venting from frustration....

why is it children decide to get sick or not feel good or whatever right when its time to go to work? and why is it in this society it seems to be all about that almighty dollar? and while im on the complain train, why is it that i seem to be sooo much more in tune with my kids than i fear brian ever will be--and the answer cant just be b/c he's a male!! once again im at work and my thoughts turn to lane at home. first time he's sick and where am i? shannon.... where do i need to be ?? home i with my baby. i hate the fact that we depend on my pay check just enough that it would be a huge inconvience if i went to part time or prn. and i know thats both brian and my fault. there are "ways" we could cut back, but it would be drastic from the life we have now....but dont think it hasnt crossed my mind more than once. and we might be able to do it w/o selling the house, but it would sure be tight. and that is the selfish part of me....i want more for my kids. i remember how tight it was growing up with mom staying home with us. i remember how we were not the "norm" family b/c mom stayed with us and most of the other kids--both their parents worked. but dont get me wrong ... i loved that my mom was able to go to EVERYTHING. she was ALWAYS there for us b/c she never had a boss to answer to. As it is with nursing i will be able to be there for the kids alot of the time b/c of the schedule i choose to keep. espcially if i stay on at the hospital where there is shift work. but when they are sick i do wish i had the luxury of being able to stay with them...i mean isnt that when you need YOUR mama....when you dont feel well?? and lane hates the bottle so much that not only does my baby not feel well, he's hugery too b/c he isnt eating like he would if i was there. oh i have to stop .... im gonna start crying and that would not be a good thing to do since i still have 8 1/2 hrs before i can be with him.......