Lane is 4months

Today Lane is 4 months!! just a quick note to remind myself how blessed i am to have the two wonderful healthy kids that i do ...who right now absolutly ADORE each other. kaelynn loves to "hold" lane and he smiles all the time when he sees her especially when she is coming at him with kisses upon kisses. i only hope they always love each other as they do now. even though i know they will have their moments...i hope they always realize how lucky they are to have each other!! Thank you Lord for a wonderful 4 months and a very Blessed 2 years!!! im sooooo lucky!!! =)

can it really be?

I cant believe that on tues lane will be 4 months old and in less than a month kaelynn will be 2!!! seriously where has the time gone? i knew time flew with kealynn but i just dont know where it has gone with lane. on saturday i took a walk around the block with the kids. it was our first walk in our twin stroller and i totally loved it!!! we used it once a few weeks ago at the mall but kaelynn was not interested in riding then...all she wanted was to be down and run around but the other day she was perfactly content to set there and just watch as things went by. the only thing that i dont like about that stroller is it is heavy!! otherwise i would be more apt to take it to the mall with the kids by myself but it is bulky to manuver when im just not in the mood. i have finally decided on what to get kaelynn this year for her birthday...we are in dier need of outside toys so .... a sandbox and barbie powerwheels 4-wheeler is what i have come up with. i know she is going to love them. that child absolutly LOVES to be outside which im happy about just in need of things to entertain her besides digging in the ant bed like i found her doing today....Geez!!! it will be fun i know that...she can already tell me 2!!! when asked hold old she is and knows the word birthday!! i just wish time wasnt going by so fast....i know that is the selfish part of me saying that but its what i really feel. i know one day ill blink and ill be setting at her graduation wondering where the last 18years have gone. i can truly appreciate everything my mother always said!!! one of her sayings was "child you're growing so fast i need to put a brick on your head"....o the wisdom of mothers!!!

A heavy heart...

First of all this is a prayer request for Sharon's family. Here is the story so far...

my great friend sharon that works at the nsy with me has a niece--Bridget. well this summer she found out that she was going to be having a baby in march...we were so excited...just one more to add to the list of ppl we knew were going to be delivering this spring!! and of course sharon was goin to be at the delivery!! it seems every year for the past 3 years or so someone in one of our families or one of our really close friends would be delievering so naturally we (we being me and sharon) were totally excited for bridget and her family. everything was going great until december...that's when it started...when bridget was 27 weeks to be exact...she started trying to go into labor. she had to be on procardia and bedrest...made it to 31wks where they told her "you wont make it another 2 weeks" and again by the grace of God and good self control (bed rest) she did...started trying again at 34wks to go into labor and again was warded off. she finally made it to 37 where she was able to come off the med and bedrest and then wouldnt ya know the little stinker had to be induced last week at 39!!! sharon and i were thrilled though b/c she had defied her odds and kept that baby in 12 weeks longer!!! so sharon was at the delivery...baby bryce didnt like the pit so they had to turn it off, bridget was already a 5 when she came in and that little bit of pitocin just threw her into labor...yea!!! then baby bryce didnt like pushing so the poor little guy had to have help out with forceps....geez!!! but when he got here we were soooo happy ... last thurs i finally got to meet bridget and tony and this side of sharon's family i had heard about for so long and i was soooo excited to be helping them through the night and weekend!! they are truly wonderful ppl and were sooo very excited about their new and first little boy together!!! it was a tough few days breastfeeding as he was very sleepy but we were working through it....i left sun morning after my last shift for the weekend and i told them both "ok im not back till thurs so yall better be home and lovin on this little guy by then" i remember them both agreeing with me and smiling and bridget thanking me for all of my help...it was truly my pleasure!! the best part of my job!!!

.......sharon calls me mon afternoon in tears "they are shipping bryce to san antonio--he has a hole in his heart." i was like "WHAT!!!!!!!" first im thinkin what did i miss? what happened in the 24+ hrs since i had seen them?!?!?!?! thats all she really knew and was headed to shannon so i told her to let me know more when she could. sure enough she got there and they already had the team coming from Methodist Children's in San Antonio....i just couldnt believe it. to make an extreamly long story a little shorter the did another sono on tues morning at SA and things have just gone from bad to worse....apparently the name for everything he has going wrong with him is Shone's Couplex (not misspelled) He has a Coarchtation of the Aorta, a very large VSD (hence the hole in heart) a PDA (another hole) a hypoplastic left ventricle and two of the valves (one being the mitral valve) are messed up. lets just say one of the opitions they were given was a heart transplant!! and one of the surgeries they cant do until he is like 15-16yrs cause they have to use sm adult valves!!! he has a 70% chance of making it until he is 20 and that is with at least 5 more surgeries after the open heart surgery he is gonna have on friday

....the cardiac specialists in SA said it was a Great find by dr wehner--that had it not been found bryce would have died at 1 month. they will have to be in SA for at least a month. I just feel soooo increadibly sorry for this family and sharon. poor bridget fought so hard to not go into preterm labor b/c she wanted to be able to take her baby home with her from the hospital when she went and he has never gotten to go home. it has gone from a week ago thinking you're goin into have your baby, spend a couple of days in the hospital and coming home to --not knowing what you're next move is and that your baby as of this point has a 70% of living till he's 20!!! i cant even begin to comprehend what they are all going through. i couldnt imagine having my 8 day old under go open heart surgery. they said bryce is strong...that typically they are alot sicker then he is....i guess that would be a sm light in their extremly dark tunnel.

Then i look at my children and i THANK GOD!!!!!! i dont know how many times since monday i have just stopped and said "thank you Lord!!" it totally puts a whole different perspective on things....Please please please keep this baby and family in your prayers. they have an extremly long road ahead of them with many twists and turns im sure....this would have to be the part of my job that i hate and have a hard time understanding. i know the Lord will never give you more than you can handle but sometimes i know i wonder....

my little bitter!!!

one would think from the title of this post that Lane has teeth now and is bitting....WRONG!!! on the contrary it is Kaelynn who has decided the thing to do is to bite her brother....finger, hand and belly!!! Ouch!! she is so sneaky about it too that i dont know its happening until Lane let's out a howl and starts screaming and kaelynn looks at me with a totally GUILTY face...and she Hates to say she's sorry....so after many tears and wanting to get in my lap (i wont let her until she says it) she finally will say aorry through her sobs..i guess it is just a phase she is going through so i hope it ends soon.

Lane is a rollin...

Yesterday Lane rolled over from his back to his tummy!! It was so cute...i couldnt believe he was able to get his fat butt over!!! but he did and was smiling after he finished!! was it b/c he new he had accomplished something big or could it be seeing his crazy mom smiling and going crazy b/c of his recent accomplishment? probably the latter... =) he is growing so fast...even faster it seems then kaelynn did...there are so many times when i wish i could just freeze time for a while....

Hard times for dad...

Thursdays are well....Hell at the Gesch household. There is really no other way to explain it other than that. Kaelynn was such an EASY baby for Brian. She would suck the paint off the walls if she was hungry and probably even if she wasnt. Breast, bottle, paci, hands, mom's finger, stuffed animal's unexpecting ear (heehee j/k on that last one) ....didnt and doesnt matter that kid has ALWAYS been a sucker fish and never picky about what. Lane on the other hand...such a BREAST baby!!!! he LOVES to breastfeed and fights the bottle. Sooooo when i work my 3 12's and then am off for 4 days with him....it is a hard first day back for everyone concerned. Kaelynn has now figured out what work means--time away from mommy. I hate leaving b/c i feel like im doing something wrong even though financially it is necessary--still sucks having to walk out that door for 12hrs. Lane knows thurs all too well and the evening is spent SCREAMING and fighting the bottle and Brian is left at home to deal with a 2yr old and screaming 3 1/2 month old!!! and about to pull what little hair he has out im sure. I know that part of Lane's problem has to be that it is my first night away...part has to be that he has to have a bottle and cant just "graze" you might say as he does the rest of the time...and part i KNOW has to be that he can sense all of Brian's frustration, anger, uneasiness....
Sat and Sun with my MIL and mom he does fine....takes the bottle fine, goes to bed, no complaints what so ever...
I guess what makes thurs even worse is that i call home to a frustrated husband who's voice is very edgy, my kaelynn who wants to talk to mommy and a screaming lane in the background who i cant come through the phone to comfort. i remember christie's baby not wanting to take the bottle and les having to bring him to the nsy for christie to feed...and lindsey's baby was the same way...she said that rick would get so frustrated with grant b/c he would fight the bottle and not eat while lindsey was at work. lane just shuts down when im not there--proof of that is my freezer FULL of milk!! with kaelynn i had milk enough from week to week...i have over 50 4 oz bags in my freezer!!! b/c he just doesnt eat from the bottle like he does from me. dont get me wrong better to have too much than too little...its just proof that he is such a breast baby and the struggle he goes through on a weekly basis. i wish things would be better for brian...that he would look forward to thurs for bonding time on his own with the kids instead of dreading them ...but i just dont know what else to do. i pray the Lord will give him patience and i know it will get better, that it will just take time, but oh what a test for him right now.....
Sometimes i guess you just need a mommy and nothing or no one can substitute!!!

storing for winter or spring?

OMG!!! today kaelynn ate and ate and ate...and when i thought she was done she ATE some more!!! what is going on? and here i thought ppl ate to store up for winter but in her case i guess we are storing for spring....either that or there is like 6 more months of winter im not aware of out there. of course in west texas i dont know that "winter" is in our vocabulary. especially since the majority of February was spent in the 70's and 80's!!! it is wonderful to see her eat though....we are really going to have a problem with pants if she doesnt. she has all the length of a 2 year old and therefore requires 24mo or 2T clothing in the length department, however she is sooo stinkin skinny she easily fits into 18mo around....PROBLEM!! her pants fall down!!! since with shorts length isnt too much of an issue ive been able to fit her pretty well, however she keeps on this eating spree and we are going to have to buy new ones before "summer" even arrives!! =) oh well... perhaps she's just playing catch up with her brother who is gaining on her very fast!! whatever the reason it is great!!

Lane started laughing ... really laughing on the 9th!! it was so wonderful to see and hear!! i love those baby laughs...when you have no care in the world and you get so much joy out of just seeing the ones you know the best smile and talk to you. he is so cute with kaelynn...she'll walk up to him and start talking to him and he just starts smiling and laughing at her...she loves it, i love it....it is precious!! When i see them i truly know why the Lord put me on this earth....and i thank Him so much for all my blessings!!

Lane's Baptism

Today was such a special day in the life of my little boy....today was his baptismal day!! It just happened to fall on the birthday of my very special friend sharon soooo it was just an all around great day--especially since she was his nurse at birth and practically my second mother and right arm at work!! Lane did so well. We were able to get Father Tom--the priest that baptized Kaelynn to do the ceremony again which i was very happy about. Fr. Tom was the priest who also helped with me converting over to the catholic faith...something that has had many mixed feeling about but was made easier b/c of him. Lane didnt cry once...not even when cold water was pored on his head. He just sat there and smiled and coo-ed and had a blast....soaking up all of the attention he was getting. The Lord has blessed brian and I with such wonderful kids....i dont know where to start in thanking Him...but i am and always will be eternally grateful for these (and any future) wonderful beings...I remember a day when i thought we would never get pregnant....i just knew clomid if not invitro was in our future--and those were two things i was terrified of....one reason being the money and the other--multiples....multiples scare the hell out of me!!! ooooo please nooooo!!!! =) But .... perseverance paid off as well as a lot of patience and prayer and im just such a blessed mother!!!! I think it puts a whole different perspective on things when you have trouble getting pregnant...or at least it has in my book....
Now im rambling but its the truth....i see ppl in my line of work that don't appreciate....truly appreciate what God has given them and it makes me angry and sad. They don't care about what they do to themselves or their baby when they are pregnant....they don't think twice about smoking meth or weed or drinking alcohol...CPS is part of their language...something they are accustom to....how sad these kids go to foster care or back to home....And yet today as i stood there holding my beautiful little boy I was reminded that our Lord is forgiving and so loving and that everything happens for a reason even if i may not be able to understand it....Im thankful that we are able to provide a loving home for our children and pray for those who are not so fortunate. I also thank my parents for raising me the way they did...Im so very lucky in so many different ways!!!

Kids are so entertaining....

my children totally take up my day...and i love every minute of it!! i wish many times that i would be able to be a stay at home mom, but also thank God that He has blessed me with a career that is very flexible and realize that with the way i work i practically am anyways...

Kaelynn has decided that food is her friend!! i dont know if she is going through a growth spurt or what but i have noticed over the past 2 weeks that she is eating and eating especially compared to what she normally does. she really is gonna have to in order to keep up with Lane, he'll be able to crush her by the time he is 6 mo!!! she is even eating bread which is such a big step...she would just scrunch her nose up at that the last time i tried. last night when we went to eat she was tearing parts of tortilla off my plate....i didnt care as long as she eats im not picky!! i have to admit ive been worried about her eating ever since she was born. she's always taken so little and of course when we would go to the doctor he gave the spill of "well as long as she is making her own curve im not concerned" but still seeing your child in the 5th percentile .... it always made me wonder....I know she has for sure got that part of brian...he was always little growing up and there are some little ppl on my side of the family as well. Lane on the other hand may just go in the opposite direction. Ive never had a problem with food....well at least not eating it...perhaps that is where my problem is. I know that with PCOS it affects my wt and im glad when dr wilson finally was able to explain why it is soooo terribly easy for me to put on wt but it is still troublesome to live with. i hope Lane does not have that problem, my dad is already worring about him. i am for sure going to exclusively breastfeed him for 6 months if i can so i can at least do my part to cut down on as much of a risk for obesity as i can. i often wonder if mom breastfed me if it would be easier....i guess ill never know but that question does cross my mind.

Lane is getting baptized tomorrow...im so excited!! im going to be sure to post after that!!

Kaelynn is talking and talking...

Im not sure why miss Kaelynn has become so vocal lately, but she has really kicked it up a notch!! She now loves to talk on the phone which i absolutly love when im at work and can call home. I love to hear that "Hi Mama!!" And of course she loves to be outside. Today i caught her setting out by the dog pen just watching Duke and Toby...and it was so precious b/c she had taken her baby doll out there with her and she had set her down right beside her....so they were both watching the dogs!! I have found that since im able to let her go out im able to do somethings with out her totally tied to my legs!! Lane is doing so well..i cant believe he is already 3 months old!! He smiles and "talks" all the time now. He is being baptized on wed which im so excited about!

Last night i attempted to put Kaelynn in her "big girl bed"....and that did not go well at all!! Im not sure what the problem was ...but all she would do is scream and scream so i finally gave in and back to the crib she went. Im thinking we may have to use the toddler side rails on her crib and make the transition slowly. Tonight i asked her if she wanted to sleep in her "big girl" bed and at first she said "ok" but as i walked over to put her in it...she started shaking her head back and forth quickly saying "no no no no" so i didnt fight her on it. i guess that transition is not going to be as easy as once hoped. When i told brian how she reacted he said "good, she's still little she doesnt need to grow up so fast." Ok.....that reaction kind of surprised me. Who knows as much as i would prefer not to go this route we may end up with two cribs after all...